Spirit Crystal Chakra Guides!

What a WEEEEIIIRRRD title to kick off my happy place blog! I know, right? But it's not as weird as the Fed Ex guy who tells me dirty jokes every darned day. This blog is for Positive Thoughts Only!

I've just started going to what I thought was to be a series of workshops on the healing powers of crystals. When I got there, I found it was a Spiritual Awareness circle! I was worried because all I was aware of was my pants were too tight in the thighs.

Well, nothing ventured, nothing gained and if you believe that everything happens for a reason like I do then you will understand why I am so puzzled when the coffee filter folds over and you get hot water instead of coffee.

Also, I have been having some very spooky things happen lately! I seem to be thinking about guys before they knock on my door or throw shoes at my window. I have become more proficient at shuffling Tarot cards (the big ones!) and was able to forecast that Mom would slam the hatchback on my brother's head.

On the first night we meditated on our chakras. That's a Sanscript word! Those of you who know me know I love Indian food. We learned how to open our chakras just as one opens the petals of a flower, such as the large and many petalled Lotus blossom, or a jar of mayonnaise.

We also imagined ourselves 'clothed' from head to foot in gold and silver as protection from negative spirits. They can give you leprosy! Yuck!

Once our chakras were open we went on a guided meditation down a lane, through a wood to a clearing. Here we sat down in a meadow and waited to see who would join us. Who should approach me but the 15th President of the US, James Buchanan! I asked him how he died and he said testicle cancer.

There were some amazing occurences for people. Some had sat on rainbows and conversed with family members who had passed on. Others had less inspiring visions, such as being skinned alive or walking in on their grandparents having crazy leather sex or getting run over by a steamroller from the feet up. Oh well!

As we are supposed to be eventually learning how to get in touch with our spirit guides I wonder if that is who James Buchanan is. But in my heart I think he is my higher self. It's crazy, I don't even have testicles! I looked it up in Wikipedia and it says he drank an awful lot.

Since the first night, we have done another meditation with amazing things occuring but I will save those until next blog! I have to go help my neighbor move a sofa. He looks like Osama bin Laden!